We Can't Win in a Society That is Hyper Fixated on Commenting on Women's Bodies.

So Maybe We All Just Need to Mind Our Own Business (and Bodies)....

Thinness is trending again. I have talked about that in detail here and here.

But what does that mean for us, those of us who are committed to body liberation — to loving and accepting our bodies in all of their iterations — when we are faced with the reality of seeing folks shrink right in front of our eyes?

I’ve been thinking about Lizzo lately, and about the fact that no matter how she exists — bigger or smaller — she finds herself smack dab in the middle of all the chatter. Constantly in a whirlwind of media flurry, with her body at the epicenter.

The TikTok below came across my feed last week, and it got me thinking about how difficult it is for people, women especially, even more so for Black women, to simply exist, free of judgement, free of folks blathering about our bodies.

Before we go any further, I realize the irony of what I'm saying. Because here I am, writing another, likely unnecessary, think piece about Lizzo. But ultimately, it's really not about Lizzo. It's about how we as a society are obsessed with talking about other people's bodies.

About how even those of us in the body liberation space can’t help ourselves when it comes to voicing our disappointment about other people’s choices for their bodies, especially when it’s about other people’s visibly smaller bodies.

In my book, The Body Liberation Project, I talk in depth about the fact that bodies change.

….bodies change, and it’s normal. They were created and designed to do that. They change shape and size. They age. They deteriorate. They wrinkle and dimple. They lose hair and grow hair in new places. They lose weight. They gain weight. They deal with chronic illness and disease. Some of them birth children. Some of them run marathons. Some of them use wheelchairs. Some of them have fewer extremities. Some of them have more. There are an endless amount of ways to have a body, and there is no right or wrong way to have one. That is the beauty of our shared humanity…………..The truth is, this body is fleeting. It could all change in an instant. The way it looks, the way it moves, the way it feels—that’s all going to change. In fact, our bodies were designed to do just that. The sooner we internalize and accept this, the easier body liberation becomes. You can feel free to love your body in all its iterations because you know that it will go through countless iterations from birth to death.

So when I say ‘bodies change’ that applies to all bodies. It applies to all iterations.

When Lizzo was in a larger body, she was on the constant receiving end of endless pathologizing.

Now that she’s visibly smaller, the chatter hasn't ended. If anything, it's escalated.

I think the real issue is that no matter what a woman does with her body – lose weight or gain weight – she can't win in a society that is hyper fixated on commenting on women's bodies.

I want to make one thing clear:

It is never, and I repeat never, okay to comment on someone else's body or appearance. And yes, this includes celebrities and strangers on the internet.

In the year 2025, one would think that it wasn’t necessary to keep saying that same thing over and over again. But alas, here we are.

In 2020, pictures of Chadwick Bozeman, star of the record breaking Marvel film Black Panther, and various other films, surfaced, revealing a visibly thinner frame. Jokes ran rampant all over the internet about his appearance, complete with memes and allegations of drug abuse. Months later, fans were shocked to learn that Bozeman had passed away of Colon Cancer. He had never spoken publicly about his Stage 4 diagnosis.

And guess what? He didn’t have to because it wasn’t our business.

Following that, everyone expressed remorse and lamented that we shouldn’t make jokes about people’s appearance because we don’t know what’s going on with them.

But how long did that last? Not very long….extremely short lived.

Most recently, Michelle Trachtenberg, star of Gossip Girl and other shows, passed away at the age of 39. Prior to her death, rumors were swirling that she was on GP1-1s which must have distorted her face. So much so that she took to Instagram to post a selfie with the caption "Fun fact. This is my face. Not malnutrition no problems. Why do you have to hate? Get a calendar." While Trachtenberg’s cause of death has not been officially reported, it is clear that she was struggling with health issues, having had a liver transplant just a few months ago.

It’s almost like we learned nothing from Chadwick Bozeman’s death.

Unfortunately, the internet has allowed us to develop parasocial relationships with people and somehow also led us to believe that we are entitled to information about what is going on with people’s health, bodies, and choices about their bodies.

That everything is open to public scrutiny and discussion.

I’m staunchly anti diet culture and anti fatphobia. I’m super clear on that, and my stance will never change.

But I also staunchly believe in body autonomy, meaning that I fiercely believe in people’s right to make their own decisions about their own bodies, regardless of what those decisions are.

As it pertains to Lizzo, or perhaps even our favorite influencers, I don't think we get to hold them to a standard we created for them in our heads. And the thing I have to keeping reminding myself is that body liberation isn’t really even about the size or shape of our bodies.

It's about ensuring that everyone, regardless of size or shape, is able to exist in their bodies, free of harm or discrimination. It’s about creating a world in which existing in a larger body doesn’t lead to systemic oppression. It’s reimagining a word that isn’t catered to thinness — a world where everything is accessible, regardless of body size or ability status.

Body liberation isn’t designed to keep people in the boxes we have determined they need to exist in – the boxes that make us feel better. That’s not freedom or liberation. Just like it’s okay for people to gain weight, it’s also okay for people to lose weight. Because bodies change.

We cannot determine someone’s “health” by looking at them.

We don’t know what is going with a person’s body behind the scenes.

And also, we are not entitled to know what choices or decisions people are making for themselves and their bodies. It's simply not our business.

So in the words of my good sis, Kanoelani Patterson, we all need to “mind our own bodies”.

And yes, that includes the bodies of celebrities, strangers on the internet, anyone we know.

Because ultimately, it’s the systems – white supremacy, the patriarchy, etc – that have us at war with ourselves.

Whether we consciously realize it or not, we’ve all been influenced by diet culture and racism, but the fact that fatphobia has its roots in racism means that the impact of diet culture for those living in Black, larger bodies is even greater. No amount of self-love changes that, and no amount of self-love saves people from the consequences of living in a marginalized body.

And I think the reason that so many of us appreciated Lizzo is precisely because she unabashedly and unapologetically celebrated her body and exuded confidence. She was shaking ass all over the internet in string bikinis – jiggle, cellulite and fat rolls on full display – despite the relentless disparaging in her comment section, which never failed to be inundated with trolls fat shaming her.

And while she is now in a noticeably smaller body, she’s still exuding confidence and shaking ass all over the internet.

I’ll never know what’s happening behind the scenes, and that goes back to my earlier point, it’s not really my business. Or anyone’s business – except Lizzo’s and whomever she may choose to share with.

She has never made self deprecating comments about her body or her looks (at least not publicly) and that hasn’t changed.

Side note: I do think that fatphobia has been showing up in some of Lizzo’s content, and while that’s an entirely different conversation, it’s still important that I acknowledge it.

I realize this is a bold statement, but I’ve never really shied away from the bold.

Our personal body liberation cannot be tied to what is happening culturally or what’s the ‘in’ body by mainstream standards.

The standards are always going to be changing. It’s by design. So the work, for me anyways, is to be so grounded and fortified in my own sense of liberation that I’m less distracted by what I see happening around me. That my feelings about my own body are less affected by the beauty standards.

I’m not saying it’s easy because it’s not. But for my own sanity, I can’t be focused on what’s happening with other people’s bodies.

It’s not helpful. It’s not sustainable. And more importantly, it’s not my business.

As long as capitalism persists, mainstream media will treat bodies like trends because that is the only way they can continue to profit from our insecurities — convince us that something is wrong with us.

We have have to lean into the fact that we know our bodies aren’t trends.

We know that our bodies are simply the vessels allowing us to have this human experience.

We have to remember that the cultural obsession with thinness and the incessant desire to pursue that as the status quo is about obedience. When we’re obsessed with the size of our bodies and using our energy towards the pursuit of thinness, we don’t have the energy to focus on the things that really matter — like our rights.

We have to let history be our teacher.

So when I feel myself on the verge of a crash out because all I can notice is how everyone is visibly thinner, I do the thing that is immediately accessible to me.

I get off the internet. I get off social media. I turn off the tv.

I get into a book. I get into a hobby. I engage with my friends in real life.

I tap into my personal agency.

History has shown me that there will be a new ‘in’ body every decade, and while we are working to dismantle all of that garbage, my personal liberation lies in being able to be grounded regardless of what’s happening around me.

And finally, I want to one thing very clear, I’m talking to myself through these words. I’m on the journey with you. We’re in this together.

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