There's No Expiration Date on Our Dreams

I turned 39 last week, and for the first time in a long time, I wasn't that excited for my birthday. And perhaps for the first time ever, I felt a little sad about my birthday. For a while, I couldn't get to the root of it. Why was I feeling sad? And then finally, I realized that it was because on some level, I felt like I didn't accomplish as much as I thought I should have this past year. Or as much as I did in years past.

For all the things I love about social media, there’s a relatively equal amount of things I dislike. At the top of that list is the illusion social media creates that everyone has things “figured out” in their twenties and thirties. You don’t need to spend too much time scrolling to fall under the impression that nearly everyone is living picture-perfect lives – beautiful, brightly lit apartments, the career of their dreams, bank accounts bursting at the seams with money, summers spent frolicking through Europe, the perfect partner (complete with outfits in the same color palette), an impressive social media following, and of course, a cute puppy because that’s the cherry on a top.

However, for the majority of folks, that’s not the reality, but it doesn’t change the fact that the pressure to have it “figured out” still exists. Because if we aren’t moving at the pace and timeline as everyone else, it somehow equates to failure. We aren’t doing life right. We’re “falling behind”. For those of us in our thirties or older, it’s easy to look around and feel like everyone around us is doing all the things (or already had done all the things) – getting married, buying a house, getting the huge promotion, starting a family – and maybe we aren’t there yet.

Regardless of if we want those things or not, it’s challenging not to fall into comparison syndrome, when the metrics for success, and the timeline, seem defined for us. It’s also quite possible that we do want those things, but don’t have them yet. In those circumstances, it can feel even more challenging. We are left with an overwhelming feeling of discontent deep in our gut, wondering, “when will it happen for me?”

Birthdays (and holidays, especially approaching a new year), tend to be the time when we feel most compelled to start evaluating how far we've come compared to where we think we should be.

And even when we know better, it's easy to fall prey to this type of thinking.

But the reality is, there’s no expiration date on our power. There’s no expiration date on our dreams or our desires. There’s no right or wrong time to do anything. And most importantly, our desires don’t need to be based on what the world expects of us or in the time frame they expect it.

Expansion is a beautiful part of life and how dare we not allow ourselves the space and time to actually experience that?

And to hold ourselves with compassion throughout all the seasons of our lives.

Sitting with my feelings and reminding of myself of what I actually know to be true —that life is not a destination but a beautiful journey filled with more twists and turns and adventure that I could ever imagine — is exactly the thing that allowed me to let move through the pangs of sadness and finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Life is not about the accomplishments. Or the doing. Or reaching the milestones.

Life is about being present in every moment and enjoying the journey.

There are seasons of planting seeds and there are seasons of harvest. How silly of me to expect every year to be a year of harvest. Right now I'm in a season of watering and that's a beautiful place to be.

So perhaps you're in a season of planting and watering (or maybe you feel like you've been there for a few years); if that’s the case I hope you find solace in this. There's no such thing as 'behind'. We can choose to start a new adventure at any point.

I always think of Ava DuVernay, who picked up a camera for the first time at age of 32 while working a full time job as a publicist. Now, 20 years later, at the age of 52, she's a world-renowned, award winning filmmaker, screenwriter, and producer. That's not to say we have to set out to do something that grand, but it is to say that we have the option to choose that for ourselves if we want.

As each year passes, I keep reminding myself that I'm just getting started and who knows what's to come. The possibilities are endless.

Maybe I'll take up surfing.

or horse back riding.

or learn to play a new instrument.

or try my hand at acting.

or solo travel to all 195 countries.

Or maybe I'll do none of those. Maybe I'll do nothing extra special or extraordinary.

And guess what? My life would still be just as meaningful.

Because our worth is not measured by how much we do or accomplish or accumulate.

The magic is not in the accolades. The magic is in the being.

Our worth is inherent simply because we exist. That is enough.

And when I begin to forget this, I pull out out the reminder below.

I hope that you keep this reminder in your heart and that it brings you just as much solace as it’s brought me.

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A couple of unrelated things to share…..

I published a new article for NAAFA (The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) about how discouraging it can be to see influencers, brands, and companies that once pledged support for body diversity and fat liberation change course in the the so-called #Ozempic Era. If this is of interest to you, check it out HERE.

I also rambled last week on TikTok about the preponderance of “skinny” content on social media and how as a whole, we have entirely lost the plot. If you enjoy listening to me wax poetic (aka ramble) about diet culture, you can watch that video below or on TikTok.

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