The Power of Choice

I was listening to a podcast recently, and in a shockingly rare occurrence, it was a podcast of two men. Shockingly rare in the sense that I don’t listen to men on podcasts. I actually think they should be banned from buying microphones because the audacity of men talking about absolute nonsense is at an all time high (I’m joking….kind of). But I saw a clip on TikTok that interested me so I decided to give the podcast a listen. And while I didn't agree with everything I heard, I did hear a few good things. One of them being the following quote:

“The economic rise of women has made marriage a choice for women rather than a necessity.”

And damn if that didn’t resonate with me. 

I got my first job the summer before my freshman year of high school. I was 14 at the time, and I’ve pretty much been working and making my own money since then. While I didn’t really have the language or the understanding at the time, I was already, as a teenager, securing my financial freedom, one that wasn’t dependent on a man.

And it was for good reason. My mother, whom I love dearly, was the reason I decided to be my own breadwinner. I watched her stay at home to raise us, homeschool us, and later go back to work when my dad was battling crippling addiction and depression. I watched my mom struggle and ultimately lose our family home to foreclosure after my parent’s separation, in which my dad literally left us and moved to another state, without looking back. My mom, who never attended college, who did everything to make sure her kids could still eat, who sacrificed her own well being, struggled so much because she put her financial dependence in the hands of her husband, my father. I watched this all unfold and I secretly made a vow that I would never go without what I needed and I would never put my financial security solely in the hands of a romantic partner. 

I also got a job because I wanted things that my mom didn’t have the budget for at the time – new school clothes, a cell phone, drivers ed, etc. 

I won’t go into my mom’s entire life story here, but I will say that at a very young age, she chose marriage because she found herself young, pregnant, and unwed in the deep South. A rather unfortunate set of circumstances. She chose marriage because it was basically the only option for her at the time. 

My grandmother never graduated from high school. She married young and birthed 9 children. My great grandmother, born in 1902, didn’t finish elementary school. My great great grandmother was a sharecropper, barely missing slavery.

It’s odd how we talk about slavery in this country – like it was a lifetime ago and just a blip in time. But as a descendant of chattel slavery, I know just how untrue that is, regardless of how desperately this country works to erase its ugly history. In reality, it was over 400 years and millions of lives lost, more than we could ever know because there’s no way to count the lives that never even made it across the ocean. And to be honest, I think every single person that was impacted by slavery is a life lost. It’s estimated that 15 million men, women, and children were victims of the TransAtlantic slave trade. Those were all lives lost.  

Slavery aside, historically women of all races and ethnicities have been forced into marriage for survival. 

It wasn’t until 1974 that legislation was passed that allowed women to have bank accounts and credit cards without a signature from their husband. The Fair Housing Act of 1968 was one of the first federal laws that prohibited discrimination in homeownership and real estate on the basis of sex and race. 

With the rise of The 4B Movement, which I discussed here, and the uptick in childfree content online, there’s been a rise in backlash against women who are choosing differently for themselves.  Not surprising, considering one of the goals of the patriarchy is the economic subjugation of women.

I’ve seen it myself. Just last week, a man replied to my  post on Threads to tell me, “Imagine if you could have great grandchildren instead of dollars, but instead you want to be selfish”, which was odd because literally nothing in my post mentioned money. 

But for me, it’s not about what’s the right decision. To marry or to remain single. To have kids or to not have kids. 

The magic is in the power of choice.

The magic is to have the resources to be financially independent regardless of what you choose.

The magic is in marriage being a choice and not a necessity. 

The magic for me is in being the first woman in my entire lineage to be economically independent, single, childfree, and living on my own. 

I’m the first to have that level of choice.

And that’s the powerful part. The power of choice.

The choice to decide to have kids or not have kids. To marry or not marry. To have a career or to choose to stay at home.

The power to choose what feels best for you personally.

The power to create a life on your own terms.