"Glowing Up" is Overrated

And Perhaps Just Another Facet of White Supremacy

Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion but the concept “glowing up” is really just another facet of white supremacy and I would argue, it’s actually bad for our mental health. Stick with me for a minute. 

As early as 13 years old, I was setting New Year's resolutions around diet, exercise, and weight loss. This lasted well into my mid-20s, and with each passing year, I grew more upset and frustrated with how I looked. I was comparing myself to others, longing to look like previous versions of me, and pining for a “better” future version of my body—all at the same time. 

In my late 20s, I finally broke up with diet culture, leaned into body liberation, and stopped stressing about body goals. But that didn’t keep me from absorbing the self-improvement and “new year, new me” noise in other parts of my life. 

I’ve told you before that I’m hopelessly addicted to social media (although working to manage that) and as of late, I’m seeing such an uptick in content related to both “glowing up” and enhancing your looks as a means of obtaining success in life. To be honest, I think both of these types of videos go hand in hand. 

I can’t scroll without seeing transformational 12-step skincare and make up routines, tips for better time management and productivity to maximize Q4, and extensive lists of things people have done to ‘level up’ their lives and their looks, with the sole purpose of leaning into aesthetics to be more ‘successful’ in life followed by links to purchase all the products. 

No surprise here, but capitalism plays a huge role in this. After all, in order to be “better,” or look “better” you’ve got to buy all the stuff that goes along with it. And to be clear, I’m not against people making money by sharing products they genuinely use and like. I’ve done that myself. But when we frame all these products as the solution to have a “better” life we further prey on people’s insecurities, just like diet culture profits from our discontent with our bodies. If you don’t spend the money to invest in yourself – buy endless amounts of supplements, makeup, fitness apps and fancy gym memberships, journals, and more, then you’ll never achieve your highest potential – i.e be pretty enough or achieve success in life. 

We are sold the lie that if we aren’t trying to improve in some way – achieve glowing skin, the perfect hair, the right body, find our signature style and dress better, be more productive, planning to have the summer of our dreams next year (even though summer literally just ended), read more books, find a new interesting ‘hot girl’ hobby — we must not be doing life right. 

Here’s my question: When does all this glowing up end? And when do we just get to exist and enjoy? 

Just like diet culture, at some point, we have to stop and ask ourselves, who are the people sending us these messages and what do they stand to gain from our discontent with life?

And trust me, the person trying to convince you that you need a ‘glow up’ is absolutely profiting from your insecurities. Hence the links. 

Despite the growing normalcy of this type of content, I'm convinced that our collective attempts to "glow up" and our penchant for consuming content that encourages it are a big problem. In my eyes, our interest in transformational stories leaves us feeling less content with the lives we have, anxious about not being where we should be, and exhausted by yearning for what feels out of reach. This unhealthy mindset is making us our own worst enemy.

Going beyond that, the problem with leaning into pretty as a means to increase your chances of whatever you consider ‘success’ is that both pretty privilege and thin privilege lets us believe that we can escape systems of oppression. That we can outperform white supremacy by just being thinner, prettier, and “better”.

Instead of working to dismantle white supremacy, which is literally the thing making it difficult for all of us, we will just accept it and try to win at the system. 

But the reality is, none of us can pretty our way out of white supremacy or the patriarchy.

You can’t buy yourself out misogyny, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, anti-Blackness or anything else.

Joining the systems through focusing on your looks simply maintains the status quo, and in the end, you only “win” by spending the rest of your eternity drowning in the throes of capitalism and doing anything and everything possible to keep up with Eurocentric standards of beauty.

And of course there is social capital assigned to beauty and pretty and thinness. But as I have talked about in detail in The Body Liberation Project, the standards of beauty are intentionally moving targets, designed to keep us distracted and constantly floundering to reach said standards. 

As I already discussed in this article, the hyper fixation on our looks keeps us distracted, immobilized, sedated, and out of our power.

Because what would happen if millions of women stopped being preoccupied with our appearances? If we turned our collective rage towards the systems that have subjugated us for hundreds of years? If we took back our collective power? If we stopped being obedient? If we stop yearning for external validation based on our appearance?

And trust me, I’m not shitting on anyone who genuinely enjoys embarking on a new beauty routine or getting their nails done or doing their makeup, because I do all of those things myself, but when we focus all of our energy on these pursuits as a means to find success or acceptance, it will only leave us feel like we’re falling short. We will never reach a point at which we finally feel satisfied. There will always be something else. And for me personally, that’s not how I want to spend my limited time here on earth. 

We are not iPhones, and we do not have to be constantly upgrading our lives like software, nor do we have to constantly be making ourselves the newest, shiniest version.   

The idea of becoming ‘better’ is just another form of perfectionism. It leads us to believe that we need to earn our value and worth in this world. It reinforces white supremacy because it holds us to an unreasonable standard often created by folks with the most privilege. Also, important to note, so many of the folks selling us everything we need to ‘glow up’ are full time wellness creators. Their job is literally selling the idea of wellness through the use of products. 

And if they can convince us that their lives turned around when they are starting investing more into their looks and their beauty, and that we too can experience the same if we just buy these products, it’s easy to see how we start feeling insecure, unworthy, and turn over our dollars because why wouldn’t we want to be beautiful and fabulous and successful?

Can you see how this is literally no different than diet culture?

Every single one of us is inherently worthy because we exist, not because of what we look like. 

We are the people we spend all of our time with from the moment we arrive on this planet until we take our final breath, and it’s imperative that we learn to love—or, at the very least, be nice to—ourselves, in the version that exists today. Would you spend the entirety of your life constantly berating a friend or a partner? Would you tell them they weren’t good enough? Would you force them to focus on being a better version of themselves every day? Of course not. At least I hope not, because if you would, please stay the hell away from me because who needs enemies if you have friends like that?

Life is so short, and I can promise it’s not worth devoting it to constantly trying to become ‘better’. When I started talking to myself with kindness and care, I started to respect all I’ve been through and appreciate myself as I am. Right now. Today. Most of us are truly doing our best, and that’s enough.

So for me and my household (which is literally just me LOL), count me out of “glowing up”, I’ll be over here focusing on existing and enjoying. I hope you join me.